


I’m Sure We’ll Meet in the Spring

by brunnhildc



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: HGSGXHSHCJSBCJSF WHATS IN THE BEEP BEEP TAG, M/M, actually wait no I don’t think this is angst, and i STILL dont know what to write in the tags, angst? DOES THIS COUNT AS ANGST, anyways.... STEVEBUCKY!, beep beep, big sigh.. this fic..., hi im jess i’ve written 3 fics, im scared to look at the beep beep tag, not bad for a girl with no talent, sorry false alarm, update me on the beep beep tag in the comments, why are all my fics so short smh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 05:03:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17115005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunnhildc/pseuds/brunnhildc
Summary: “Because it’s only you, Stevie. You were there then, and you’re here now. All of our friends, all of our family, everything we knew and loved, it’s all gone. I was about to kill you, too, on that helicarrier. But then I didn’t. Everything I had, Becca and Mama and Falsworth and Monty and Dum Dum, they’re all gone and I can’t get them back. But I got you back.”Bucky paused, accompanied by a sigh. “I fell off the train and I... I didn’t feel anything for so long. I tried to hold on to you for as long as I could after they captured me. You were the last piece of my old life that I had, the last thing I could feel. At one point, I figured you’d never come. So I let you slip through my fingers. It happened once, and I came so close to letting it happen a second time. But then you said those words, and I decided I’d never let you slip through my fingers again.”





	I’m Sure We’ll Meet in the Spring

**Author's Note:**

> so like . okay . I said my last work was gonna be a christmas present but then I posted it the beginning of december and not christmas. so here is an ACTUAL christmas present. and to all my pals who don’t celebrate christmas, here’s a present for no reason!! tysm to everyone who showed love on my last works. I love y’all <3

None of it seemed real at first. When Steve gently pressed his fingers against the Wakandan soil, it didn’t seem at all like reality. He looked to the ground, then up to the trees. He stood up and glanced over to Thor, making sure he wasn’t the only one who just saw what he did. 

And suddenly, there was a lump in his throat, followed by a choking feeling. Since he were a child, he bit his lip to avoid crying, because it was a simple, unspoken rule— men don’t cry. But now he awoke in this new century, and so many things were different. 

To hell with that rule, he thought, as he allowed the tear to stroke down his cheek, followed by another, and another. 

Steve found himself on his knees, unable to look away from the soil, unable to look away from the machine gun that fell to the ground a few minutes ago. To say he was devastated was a horrible understatement. The feeling of loss was accompanied by another one, one that he’d felt only once before. The one from 1945, as he held on to the side of the train that whizzed through the air as he fell. He was sorry. 

If only language were more precise, damn it.

“Fuck,” muttered Steve under his breath, searching for anything else to say, like he could hear the things that he was saying. He whispered the only thing to be said, and that was “I’m sorry.”

He wanted to scream. But he couldn’t, so he whispered it. No one else in the world could hear it. But it echoed and ringed in his head, like a scream. It kept bouncing on the walls of his mind as he racked his brain of anything else to mumble in between his weak whimpering. 

Why did this have to happen to him? Why did he have to be the one to get the serum, the one to be praised at the hands of a fucking stage name, the one to have to go into the ice and come back? He didn’t deserve it. God, what he would give to be the one to disappear into thin air. Why did he always have to be the one to get the good side of everything?

He could’ve saved him. He could have defeated that Titan, or whoever the hell he was. He could’ve had just another moment to say goodbye, just one more word to say. 

He thought it was the end when Bucky was sent to war. He would always remember the feeling of regretting the words he never said. But then he saw him again. Yet the words never left his mouth, they always clung to his tongue and refused to leave. And so he waited. Then Bucky fell, and Steve knew for a goddamn fact it was over. But, in a stroke of luck— and maybe the work of pure miracle— but also in a curse that was bestowed upon them, he came back. Again.

But now, he saw him die. He saw him fade from his vision, saw him turn into ash and dust. He ran to the spot in hopes that it was all just a horrible dream, that maybe he’d wake up in the thirties again, the warmth of his best friend comforting him. But it was all morbidly real. And it was all his fault. 

Steve wished he could be heard. But he couldn’t get the image out of his mind; shouting, and the shouts coming right back like fists trying to break through glass. Steve hoped that wherever Bucky was, he could hear him. And he hoped he could know how sorry Steve was, how sorry that he couldn’t defeat the Titan, how sorry he was that he never got to say the words that were at the top of his tongue. He began to calm down a bit, his sobs having subsided. 

But nothing could stop violent thoughts from swirling around in his head. God, why couldn’t it be him? He had his chance. He died and came back to life, for fuck’s sake. He was able to travel the goddamn universe twice and it continued to give him everything; why couldn’t Buck have any of that? He deserved it so much more. He wasn’t the one get beat up in a back alley every three days. He knew when to back down from a fight, if it meant he’d lose. 

He didn’t even notice when a ship, the likes of which had never been seen before by Wakandans, or by any the surviving Avengers.  
Steve, eyes still red and puffy, turned around in bewilderment. Of course, he walked over to investigate. He did get a few glances. But the overwhelming sense of loss that everyone was feeling made it not matter at all. 

The ship opened, and the remaining Wakandan warriors— as well as the remaining Avengers— drew their weapons. Steve prepared his shield, taking a few steps back in the process. To his surprise, there was no intimidating bad guy that needed defeat. Just... Tony Stark?

———

And as for Bucky? 

God, where to start? 

For such a long time he’d felt nothing. Not ever since he’d felt himself take that last breath, this fingers becoming numb and eventually letting go. Then he fell, and he never felt anything again— or, if he did feel anything at all, he couldn’t remember. Until that day on the helicarrier. 

I’m with you until the end of the line. 

He’d completely forgotten that god damned phrase, and he certainly didn’t believe he’d ever hear it again. But then he heard those nine fucking words, and he couldn’t bring himself to land that final blow, the blow that would earn him the status of being the one to finally kill the practically invincible Captain America. Then, he would complete his mission. He would get a reward, surely, for such a dangerous task— not a large one, though. He would get a reward horrifically disproportionate to what had actually been done. 

But none of that mattered. Upon hearing that line, hearing those nine words, he decided it wasn’t worth it. He decided he didn’t want that reward, he didn’t want the small mutters of praise from across the room as his brain got fried, as it had did hundreds of times before. He realized that, upon landing that final blow, he would be killing the one person he had sworn to protect seventy years ago. And seventy years is a damn long time to keep a promise. 

He knew what he wanted. He wanted to feel again. 

Upon retrieving the captain from the river and walking away, he figured he had made the first step in feeling again. He didn’t know, though, that he’d feel so much. He traveled day by day, aware of avoiding any Hydra agents set on reclaiming their Nazi organization’s top assassin. 

And then he found him, in Bucharest. He couldn’t remember much; it was Steve. He saw him in a museum. A few times. No matter how many times he had walked away from that exhibit, something had always pulled him back in. Something was missing. Something standing there slapping him in the face, screaming at him to remember, but he couldn’t identify it. So he returned to the museum day after day in hopes he could someohow get back what was missing.

I can’t even begin to explain what happened after that. A few fights happened, none of them significant to him except for one. The one in Siberia.

He’d been trained to think about nothing but the fight. Concentrate exclusively on defeating your enemy, do not let anything distract you from your goal. So he had him on the wall. He was close to ripping out what looked to him like a robotic heart— that didn’t make complete sense. But for fuck’s sake, he had a metal arm, so he figured nothing ever made sense anymore. 

Then there was a blast. And he looked down; all of his left arm was blasted off, leaving just a bit of what would transition from his shoulder to his bicep. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt such excruciating pain. He dropped to his knees, because he couldn’t do anything else. From that point on, nothing could be felt. He had passed out from the pain once safely inside the quinjet. 

Now he’s standing in front of him again, roughly two entire years later. He’d gotten out of cryo ten months prior. Steve flew to Wakanda as soon as he had heard, and together— in bits in pieces— they started to rebuild what they once had. Steve told of small memories of Brooklyn; of the cyclone ride and Coney Island; of the dancing hall where Steve would be forced to watch Bucky mesmerize all the women on the dance floor. The look on Steve’s face would be one of pure admiration, adoration and infatuation all in one, but Steve left that detail out when he described that night. Now wasn’t the right time, and he knew that. Steve knew how much Bucky was feeling all at once, and knew that saying it would have simply added to it. Bucky was finally learning to feel again; it would take some time to adjust. Steve knew that.

Bucky’s memories were partially restored over months of patience (both Bucky and Steve were aware it would take years to fully get them back, but they weren’t sure if they had that time). Now it was late April, and Bucky hadn’t seen Steve since he abruptly left Wakanda back in February. He had made sure to say goodbye to Bucky because leaving him there without a goodbye would wreck him, but then he swiftly got into the quinjet and left. He never explained why.

The end of the world— no, half of the universe —was at stake. Of course. So Bucky faced Steve with a smile, a genuine one, as he mentally prepared for the first real battle he’d partake in for the first time in decades. He wasn’t ready, but he also didn’t have a choice. 

He thought the battle was going okay. He eventually made his way to the forest, where there weren’t the annoying little bitches that Thanos had in plentiful supply. Something felt off, and he couldn’t place his finger on it. But then he looked down and literally saw himself turning into ash. 

By the time he had completely vanished, it was all black for a moment. He found himself just about ten feet away from Steve when he opened his eyes again. He started to walk to him, but was disturbed three feet away. It’s like he walked into glass, but the odd barrier seemed to reverberate the vibrations like water after it refrains it’s delicate form from human touch. 

And Bucky found himself only able to watch Steve. He had to watch as Steve suddenly broke down into sobs; he could hear it loud, louder than anything else, when he whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

He didn’t know why he was sorry. That baffled him. “It’s okay,” he replied, in a normal speaking voice, “it’s okay.”

But Steve did not respond. He didn’t turn his head or flinch at the sudden voice or even acknowledge that Bucky was there at all. Bucky touched the barrier again, only to get the same, ripple-like reaction. 

“Steve,” he said, in hopes the man would hear it. Louder and louder he repeated the name, and he started to bang on the barrier. He found himself trying to break it down, screaming for the man. No prevail. Ultimately, he pressed his forehead to the barrier and cried.

It had to have been him. He would never subject Steve to being trapped behind this barricade, for God knows how long. He would never subject Steve to watch himself fade to ash and dust in a second. He would never subject Steve to resorting to banging on the barricade. He would never subject Steve to being this hopeless and lost. 

Because he only wanted Steve to hear him, to recognize that there’s someone there. He only wanted Steve, he only had Steve. He only had him then in Brooklyn and he only had him now. He didn’t need him in Brooklyn but, God, did he need him now. He was the only one.

And that’s when Bucky realized what he was missing. He felt so many things, but he never recognized what he’d been feeling all along. God damn it, he loved Steve Rogers. But now it was too late.

———

“I’m gonna assume what happened on Titan happened on here,” Tony paused, “people faded to dust? Into thin air? That whole shabang?”

There was a silence from the people in the room; Tony, Steve, Natasha, Thor, Bruce, general Okoye, M’Baku, and Rhodey. In the back was another figure, one unfamiliar to everyone. They didn’t look like a normal human, but not like some other alien. Is a semi-robot a thing? Doesn’t matter, because telling by the metallic finishes to their blue and purple skin, not to mention small whirring whenever they moved. They didn’t move often, just simply observed, leaning against the wall with their face blankly glancing around the room, arms crossed. 

“I’ll take that silence as a yes.” 

“What did you call us here for, Tony?” inquired Nat. Her voice lacked its usual condescending tone. It just seemed purely defeated. No one had ever heard her like this, ever. It was odd, to say the least. 

“The big purple guy, the one with the expensive glove, with the fancy gems?”

“We know what Infinity Stones are, Tony,” Rhodey said. 

Tony nodded, then continued, “In the middle was the Soul Stone. Essentially, it controls all life; steal it, change it, control them, you name it.”

“How do you know all this?” Asked Bruce. 

“See Judy Moody in the back there?” Tony gestures toward the figure in the back, and everyone looked to refresh their memory. “Thanos was her father. Knows all about the stones. We had plenty of time on the way back from Titan, trust me,” Tony explained, then was interrupted as the figure in the back spoke.

“My father wanted to wipe out half of all life in the universe. Once he retrieved the last stone, it was over. Inside the Soul Stone is a pocket world. The Soul World. Everyone who faded to ash went there,” She explained. She stopped, and returned to her position against the wall when Tony began to speak again.

“Some people can be saved. Not all of them,” Tony looked down at the table. 

Steve perked up at this one, and his eyes traveled from the table to the only man in the room standing. People can be saved? 

“Some of them?” Steve inquired.

“That’s the thing, Spandex— it’s the Soul Stone. Though it’s dangerous, there is a way to get in there and be with the one who dusted. But the only one you can rescue is the one your soul is most intertwined with.” 

“What does that mean, intertwined?” Bruce asked, his eyebrows furrowed and his mind clearly at work trying to logically explain the situation. “No law of any science supports that.”

“As if the Infinity Stones follow the laws of science?” The figure in the back spat at him. Their words reeked of bitterness and anger. “Did you not just see everyone fade to ash and dust?” 

Bruce had nothing else to say, though he clearly didn’t understand. He was also stunned a bit from the figure’s response and that surely didn’t help. 

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, the power of the stones surpassed what the gauntlet could contain. If we located where the Soul Stone was, we could get in,” Tony answered.

“Say we do get into the Soul World,” Steve started, “what happens then?”

“Everyone who dusted has a separate portion of the Soul World, tailored specifically to them,” Tony paused, “the only person who can get in is whoever their soul is intertwined with. Didn’t we go over this, like, five minutes ago?” 

“Not everyone can be saved, because being a good friend isn’t enough. Being platonically close just isn’t strong enough of a bond.”

Steve looked down, thinking about that. The conversation went on, but he didn’t listen. Then, in probably the greatest realization he had ever made, he mumble a couple words:

“I could save Bucky.”

———

A while later, after a few more odd fights and experiences that Steve wouldn’t mind forgetting, he found himself back in Wakanda. The Soul Stone was in a small case as Steve stared at it intently. The Titan was defeated (the final blow willed by Nebula, as Steve had learned her name was), but the universe wasn’t right again. 

But at this point it didn’t matter. Why did Steve owe the universe so much? All it did was cause him pain. It took everything from him, and yet it still told him it was his duty to protect it, that doing anything otherwise was biting the hand that fed you. He didn’t want to keep saving it. He couldn’t do it much longer. 

Since that meeting in Wakanda, he’d thought so much about the Soul Stone. About how the only one you could save was the one your soul was intertwined with. He could only name one person it could possibly be. 

“Who wants to go first?” Shuri— King T’Challa’s younger sister and Wakanda’s head of technology— asked. 

“I’ll go first,” Steve said, not breaking his stare.

Shuri delicately opened the case. “I believe you just touch it, gently.”

“Alright.” Steve looked around the room, taking in his surroundings for the last time. Then he did it. He heard an exchange of murmurs from Shuri and another scientist. Besides the words ‘one person,’ he didn’t hear anything. Then he went in.

———

For a moment, things went black. Then he was back in Wakanda, on the field, in the spot where he last saw him. 

“Steve!” He heard a shout, one so distant yet so painfully familiar. “Steve, please.”

He turned around, startled by what looked like a window. Separating him from Bucky.

“Buck?” He asked. He gentle tapped the window, only receiving a small ripple, as if he were touching water and it refrained its form in a ripple. Bucky put his hands on the barrier until their faces were inches apart. 

“Steve? You can hear me?”

“Yeah...” Steve answered, “Loud and clear, Barnes.” 

Bucky huffed a painful laugh. It reminded him of the war, before either of them had any clue of how ill–fated their destiny was. “How did you get here, Steve?”

“That’s a long story,” Steve looked down. There was a long pause then.

Never before had either of them been at such a loss for words. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve said, and before Bucky could ask why he was sorry, he continued: “I could’ve saved you from this fucking place. I could’ve defeated the Titan and saved half the universe. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

“Stevie, it’s not your fault—“

“Yes it is. I faced him hand-to-hand and I couldn’t take him down. I could’ve beat him. But I couldn’t muster the strength, even with half of the universe at stake. You don’t deserve to be here. You’ve gone through hell and back already. It’s my fault he won. It’s my fault you’re here, trapped in whatever the hell this is. Hell, I could’ve saved you on that train.” 

Steve sighed. He gathered this thoughts. “The universe has taken so much from me. Why should I keep saving it?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I’ll just stay here. Until we die. Because it was you and I at the beginning, and it’ll be you and I in the end.” 

Bucky didn’t mind that idea so much. Whether someone would come get them, or no one ever did and they suffered, it didn’t matter. They’d do it together. But he knew that couldn’t happen. 

“The universe is gracious, Stevie. You can’t stay here. You have to go back.” 

“How is it so gracious?” Steve deeply inhaled and exhaled. Stalling was all it was. Because he knew the truth. Saying it out loud, saying it and coming to terms with it, was so much harder than he’d expected. “I never thought I’d have to live a life without you. But it’s all I’ve ever had to do. Because I keep losing you. That’s not gracious. And I can’t go back. I don’t want to go back. Going back means the uncertainty of losing you again.”

“It doesn’t matter. The universe keeps bringing me back to the most important thing. It’s gracious because the universe keeps bringing me back to you.”

“But why?” Steve knew that was a stupid question. He knew exactly what the answer was. 

“Because it’s only you, Stevie. You were there then, and you’re here now. All of our friends, all of our family, everything we knew and loved, it’s all gone. I was about to kill you, too, on that helicarrier. But then I didn’t. Everything I had, Becca and Mama and Falsworth and Monty and Dum Dum, they’re all gone and I can’t get them back. But I got you back.”

Bucky paused, accompanied by a sigh. “I fell off the train and I... I didn’t feel anything for so long. I tried to hold on to you for as long as I could after they captured me. You were the last piece of my old life that I had, the last thing I could feel. At one point, I figured you’d never come. So I let you slip through my fingers. It happened once, and I came so close to letting it happen a second time. But then you said those words, and I decided I’d never let you slip through my fingers again.”

“Buck—“ 

“The truth is, I regret not coming to terms with it so much earlier. I could only recognize it as something missing. But it was never missing— it was always there. I’ve wanted to say this for so long. I love you, Stevie. I loved you then and I love you now.” 

Fuck. That’s when Steve put it together. The under–the–breath mutter that he had heard in the lab. One person makes it back. 

“Buck, only one of us can make it back.” 

“I know,” Bucky replied, “now go.”

“I can’t. I can’t lose you one more time.” Steve looked to his eyes for a sign of uncertainty. But there wasn’t a hit of indecision there. Only inexplicable bliss. 

“You’re not losing me,” Bucky explained. He was calm now. Steve had forgotten how blue his eyes were, but now they were brighter than ever— he was finally happy. Then he sweetly smiled. Steve hadn’t seen that same smile since the Stark Expo. 

_“I’m sure we’ll meet in the spring one day. The flowers will bloom and the sun will shine like neither of us have ever seen before. The birds will sing and there’ll be a butterfly fluttering around a tree as its leaves sways in the breeze. After night falls and the stars have set the stage, I can teach you how to dance. Then, we’ll dance, just like I’d wanted to in the dance hall that night. It’ll be the best time of our lives. As we sway to the music of our past, we can finally be sure that there isn’t a war to be fought. We’ll be sure that you and I are at peace. But we can’t have that right know. If you go back, I promise it will happen. I haven’t broken a promise in seventy years. And seventy years is a damn long time to keep a promise,”_ Bucky paused to sniffle and wipe a single tear from his eye. _“I know you won’t forget me. And I won’t forget you. I’ll hold on to the memories of Coney Island and the dance hall like my life depends on it. One day we can be at peace. Today just isn’t that day. Goodbye, Stevie. I love you.”_

“I love you, too.” Steve mumbled. The rest is history.


End file.
